mental health

Facing Life’s Hills.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

I stand at the bottom of the hill on a sunny May morning, determined to show up like the runner I say I am…but find myself faced with the usual demons. Not another hill. Please. It’s too hot. It’s too long. I am too thirsty. I don’t know if I have the energy to make it to the top. And then finally…maybe I can just use the hill as a walk break.

Maybe. Or maybe all those stories I have come to believe as ‘true’ are based on historical emotions I have come to believe about myself, yet have little to do with what is in fact ‘true’.

What I have witnessed is that our body is capable of much more than we think it is and that our limitations are often self imposed. That’s right, we put our own restrictions in place and then declare them to be true! Like when we say we can’t and then not surprisingly, can’t.

I tested it out with this hill that clearly felt out of reach for me. Instead of buying into my temporary truth, I inhaled deeply to do an internal scan: Heart rate steady, check! Legs warm, check! Head in the game, check! The only thing left to do was adjust my music to support my can-do attitude, and one final exhale.

I knew what to do. I needed to keep my eyes low, my stride small and steady, and one step at a time, get up the hill. Simple. My goal was to focus on the music in my ears, my steady footsteps and the 10 feet of pavement right in front of me. The top of the hill was not the focus for the moment, only each step that would get me there.

Before I knew it, my heart was pounding and I was at the top of the hill…feeling accomplished that I had conquered it and it had not conquered me!

How often are you presented with challenges in your life that defeat you before you even begin the climb? Maybe you are so focused on the view at the top, that you are unable to focus on the steps it will take to get there.

Life is all about your mindset. If you change your mind, you can change your life.

Let’s do this.
http://www.GellerCoaching.com

You Might Be Right…

Posted on by Geller Coaching

There comes a time (sometimes more than once) when the stars align in a completely different way due to unforeseen circumstances and you notice a significant shift. Your feet seem to step lighter, the ground feels more absorbent, and the air around seems to be clear. It is in that very moment that you can barely hear your own ego, and suddenly you hear your own voice whisper, “You may be right.”

And for once in your life, you are not talking to yourself. Well, yes, you are, but you are not referring to yourself in being right…again.

After many years of the most challenging life events I have ever had, though clearly not the worst there are to have…I have a sense of clarity I cannot ever recall having. I suppose it is not that surprising. Maybe after you have been stripped of the things you have always ‘known’, what’s left…is true vulnerability.

I am not quite sure what exactly got me to this point since I have been deeply working on myself for the past year and a half, but I know for sure there has been a shift. Not only in the way I see myself, but in the way I see others.

I can see today that what I hear coming at me is actually my perception of what is being given to me, that has first gone through years of being alive. Years of being engaged in meaningful relationships. Some great, some not so much. But all have left me with emotions in regards to how I perceive the present, how I perceive the future and how I perceive my life. That’s a lot of filtering.

It reminds me of the time I put a contact into my eye that already had a contact in it. That’s right. Two contacts in one eye. Now, if you are not a contact wearer, you might think, ‘now that would give you amazing vision!’ Right? Like if you held your eye to a magnifying glass.

But no, that is not what happens at all. It does not give you better vision. It does not provide even more clarity. What it gives you is a murky version of life. And since I did not realize what I had done, my brain tried desperately to make sense of what it could and could not see. Trying desperately to convince me that I had not in fact just gone blind…

If you wear contacts you might be thinking, ‘Well of course you can’t see better if you force your eyes to see through filters not meant for your eyes.’ However, I wrestled with vision for several minutes before panicking that I had just double dosed my eyes and wondered if my eyes had suddenly seen enough and had called it quits.

This is actually quite similar to what happens in our listening. Based on our emotions surrounding this person, this event, this thing, filters cloud our thinking and hearing. While we can hear the words coming at us, we may not necessarily be hearing what is said, but may be picking up on what we think someone is thinking. We may in fact be interpreting what is not being said. Or we may have already decided how we are going to respond before it is even heard, so therefore don’t listen at all. Either way, how we respond gets filtered through millions of past events and feelings and this simple conversation ends up being anything but simple.

It becomes what my eyes experienced, trying to see through a double dose of contacts and not providing an ounce of clarity or truth.

In addition to speaking from a place other than now, whoever you are speaking to will also respond from that far away place. It is then that the whole conversation becomes one hot mess.

So how do we have conversations not masked by previous emotions?
Here are some simple tips:

1- Create an intention. Are you trying to set the record straight? Are you hoping for clarity? Or do you genuinely just want to hear what someone has to say? Design it, commit to it and then set it in motion.

2 – Clean your slate. Come to the table and pretend that your slate has been cleared. Remind yourself that the past has no bearing on this present moment.

3 – Leave your ego at the door. Yes, I know that you know and you want them to know too. However, if you come to the table with that perspective, you might as well call it a day before you even get there. The truth is that you might or might not be right, but more importantly, in order to fully hear what someone is saying to you, you will need to stand in the place, that maybe…just maybe…you don’t know.

4 – Listen. Listen like it’s the first time you are hearing this person speak and then no matter how you are feeling, repeat after me: “You might be right.” Even if you are certain they are not right. Even if you are positive that you are the one that is right. Let it go. Create space for what is possible in the land of the unknown. You will be amazed at the possibility of what comes next. Trust me…

On the Other Side of Chaos.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

I couldn’t have known there was another side to the chaos that had transpired in my life, because I wasn’t fully aware of the chaos that had begun to surround me. I did know that my life had straddled itself in an endless spin that left me feeling dizzy on most days, and that it seemed an explosion of some sort was inevitable, but knowing just wasn’t enough. Because when you are in it, you don’t really know. You don’t know much of anything at all. You don’t know if it is temporary or permanent. You don’t know if you can control it in one way or the other. You don’t even know if you are contributing to it by simply being in it. And you don’t know how to make it stop. All you do know is a persistent feeling of overwhelm and despair.

Yet in the depths of real chaos, sometimes someone becomes just strong enough, or weak enough, that the whole thing blows up. It becomes not just chaos but a sort of madness that stirs the whole pot so intensely that it explodes. Pieces fly everywhere without real certainty of how it ever stood as one. A million pieces, representing your life, scatter all around unrecognizably…no sense of order, no sense of love, no sense of self. Just pieces, fragments of life with no place to go.

It is only then that darkness becomes so blinding you instinctually head for the light. You cannot see it, you cannot hear it, or feel it, but you know that you cannot stay where you are. That remaining in this one spot is no longer an option and that you must move with certainty forward and pray for light and solid ground. With your heart pounding, you just keep moving. There is no guarantee about what awaits around the corner, but it doesn’t matter. You just keep moving, knowing that whatever is next, will be better…safer…than this.

Sometimes the walk in the dark lasts only a few hours, yet can last for days or months, but you just keep going because there are suddenly no other choices.

Until one day, while feeling the sun brightly on your face, the quiet somehow catches you by surprise. It is only then that you acknowledge the peace that radiates from a place within that you did not know was available. It is then that you know you have found the light. That you have walked far enough away, that there are no more scattered broken pieces you once called life. No more darkness. That the quiet is not necessarily what is or is not around you, but what lies within you.

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It is only then that you are able to see and feel the other side of chaos that you often denied. It is only then that you can experience quiet and peace in a way that soothes your heart and soul. It is only then that you can hear your own voice, not what you have been lead to believe about yourself. Because on the other side of chaos, you will find yourself. As each layer slowly peels away, shedding off all the protective layers you once needed…you will find yourself raw and vulnerable. You will find the actual root of who you are. Not the names that someone once gave you…but who you actually are.

You will find beauty and strength, from the inside out. Courage and love, with an intense desire to do good in this world and a willingness, to do whatever it takes to have the life you want and deserve.  Only then will you notice the circle that has filled in around you, with people who support, accept, love and feel grateful for who you are…not who they want you to be.     On the other side of chaos…you will find you. A very happy you.

Velcro Doesn’t Foster Independence.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

It amazes me that something as simple as Velcro sneakers can actually makes things harder, but they can!

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Wait, what? If my child is struggling with tying his shoes, making every departure one giant meltdown, Velcro has to be a better option. I mean, that is what they were designed for, right? Well, technically they probably were created to ease stress, but with a high price tag.

You are familiar with the scenario: It is time for school, the outfit has been out on the floor since the kiss goodnight, breakfast is done, and now it’s time to get out the door.

With cute little sneakers in hand, your 5-year-old proudly slides his feet into his shoes and then begins to grasp the shoe laces ever so carefully as you whisper, “one bunny ear, two bunny ear…”

You can feel your heart race a bit as you witness his third attempt and you can see his confidence begin to wane. Your confidence in his ability, along with your concerns of being late begin to collide. You picture the tantrum from the morning before and do your best to give one last pep talk.

“Be patient, honey. Over, under, around and through…” you say calmly feeling the pounding in your chest.

“I can’t do it!?” He screams. “I cant! I hate these shoes! I’m not going to school…”

And so it begins. Another morning of upset. You then do what you do. You help out. You explain how hard this task is and how it will get easier over time. Then you tie his shoes, acknowledging that you can tie them tighter anyway. He feels happy, and so do you. Yet as it keeps happening over and over each morning, you offer less and less time for him to try, until you eventually begin to tie them the second he has his feet in the shoes.

What could possibly be the harm in that? Eventually everyone learns to tie their shoes…dont they?

The harm actually has little to do with the shoe-tying meltdown. The larger problem we are contributing to is keeping our children from experiencing discomfort. While we believe in our hearts we are helping, we are continuously robbing them of their ability to manage discomfort. We are single-handedly stealing their opportunity to man handle things that don’t feel right. And in the large scheme of life as we know it, we are contributing to a society of emerging adults that do not know how to get themselves out of uncomfortable situations because we have been doing it for them. While that help comes from a yearning to make their life easier, we are actually trying to avoid our own discomfort by helping them to avoid theirs.

The large problem lies right there.

We must know what discomfort feels like in order to be successful adults. We must experience it simply so we can experience the triumph that comes along with lifting ourselves up. While we want to convince ourselves that this is how we show our love, this is not a loving gesture at all. In fact, doing things for others that they can do for themselves simply robs them of their opportunity for success.

It starts with a simple act of ‘over, under, around and through….’ and leads to dangerous times of isolation and peer pressure and days of now what am I supposed to do? The discomfort our children/emerging adults experience when we are not around, can lead to feelings of desperation and hopelessness. These feelings can contribute to the yearning to tune-out, possibly leading to addictive behaviors that allow them to not feel disappointment or fears. It can lead to feelings of failure and disconnect and can perpetuate a hidden downward spiral.

One emerging adult client I worked with shared his experience of overwhelm and stress he felt in college and turned to alcohol and drugs to mask all that he could not cope with. When I asked him if he ever thought about trying to quit his addictive behaviors, he said simply, “there was no reason to think about quitting…it was the darkest hole I had ever been in and knew I was never getting out.”

Fortunately, he was given a second chance with many months of recovery. But all are not as fortunate. The crisis is real. And while as parents we do not cause our children’s depression, isolation or addictive behaviors, we can contribute by continuing to push them further in that dark hole by doing for them. Or we can begin to actually help, by allowing them the success they are capable of and deserve.

So, the next time you are unsure of whether your help is helpful or hurtful, ask yourself this question: Is this something that they are capable of doing themselves? Because if it is, let them. Take a few extra breathes. Be mindful that their discomfort is just like yours and that life is never about how we fall, but how we learn to dust off and get back up.

Want to really foster independence? Skip the velcro.

All That Wander, Are not Lost

Posted on by Geller Coaching

My fingers hit the keyboard gently this morning in hopes of finding just the right words to send to my people. “My” people…the ones that have so inspired me this year to honor my life and the way I want it. The ones who have struggled with pain, cancer, stress, chaos and even just the feeling of ‘is this really all there is?’ For those that have reached out for a hug, dared to scream ‘I can’t do this anymore!’ For those that wanted to simply give up, but instead decided to lie down and rest and for those that feel torment in their heart, but allow me to love them anyway. For all of you and more, I thank you for giving me the permission to touch your life, help alter your perspectives and trust me to tag along in your life. I have so enjoyed being a part of your life story.

It is only now that I am beginning to see the pattern each year brings. A clear balancing act between holding on and letting go and understanding that everything that comes at us is a precious gift we call life. A one time offer.

Yet as I continue tapping on the keypad, wondering what inspiring words will come from me next, something that I can offer my favorite readers as words to live by, words to carry into the New Year…I see this large blank slate reminding me of what matters most.

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Sometimes we do not have the answers. Not right now anyway.

If we can lean into that, lower our shoulders, soften the lines in our face, and quiet the ego, we can then be confident that the answers will come. Because they will.

It is in that faith that we continue to live our life with a full commitment to being the best we can be, not a constant image of ‘I will do better tomorrow’, but rather a commitment to honor our word and live life as if this is the only day we have…ever.

All that wander, are not lost.

Caving into feelings of exhaustion, asking for help, being silent, letting emotions overcome us or choosing to get off the path completely, doesn’t mean we have failed, are weak or have limitations. But rather, all show signs of strength in knowing oneself, our needs and our ability to lean in to our life in this moment. In fact, it is the true ability to be present.

So if you feel confused, frustrated about where you have been, worried about where you are heading or are fear that this is all there is, simply breathe.  Inhale all that is good, and then exhale, letting go of all that does not feed your soul. Only then, can you be present with the blank slate in front of you. The unknown does not have to be a place of darkness and fear, but an opportunity to redesign what you already have and appreciate all that is within you.

As the New Year begins I wish you all at least a few moments to wander, and see just how great you really are.

Organization & Structure = Success

Posted on by Geller Coaching

Do you often wonder why it is so challenging to follow through with the thoughts in your mind? Why even when you write them out as clearly as you can, they don’t manifest in the way you are thinking? You are intelligent, educated, confident and have so many great ideas…in fact that is why you decided to go into business on your own in the first place! So why can’t you make it work just the way you have it figured out in your mind?

It actually isn’t that complicated and is a very common problem, especially with small business owners and independent contractors. The fact is that your passion and head filled with ideas is not enough on its own. While it helped to give you the courage to begin in the first place, it will not be enough for a sustainable and profitable business. As a matter of fact, the longer you try to ride on the fumes of your enthusiasm, the longer it will take you to create true financial success.

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First, the ideas you have flowing through your mind day in and day out are meaningful, but you need to do more than think about them. If you have been thinking about them for weeks or months, grab a notebook now so you can write them down and organize them. Rather than creating a list, though, give each page in your notebook a different topic. Here are some examples:

  • Expenses
  • Profit
  • Time
  • Marketing
  • Daily routines
  • Weekly, monthly, yearly goals

Once you have done that, you will already begin to see the larger picture, but it is just the beginning. Next you will need to be as detailed as you can on each topic as you add timelines and deadlines. This is the most critical piece in order to create financial success.

The truth is that while many of us begin a business because it is something we are passionate about, often too, we want the freedom that goes along with being our own boss. Unfortunately, though, within that space of freedom, also a great deal of spinning aimlessly, unless we are capable of holding ourselves accountable.

True success will come when you spend more time on task creating money, rather than writing lists, creating ideas and thinking about what you want to do next. True success will come when you are able to design clear details about your daily routines and how each one of them will make money. True success will come when you not only know what each day will look like, but also have clear details of how the work today, will meet the goals you’ve set for the month and the year as well. Each task needs to be connected to the bigger goal, which needs to be connected to your financial bottom line.

Once you are organized in your thoughts, and have designed the structure of your business, you will be able to get into action. If you feel yourself perseverating on the end goal, and doing more thinking than doing, visualize your business as an actual building. Notice how an actual building has the base being the largest part of the structure, to create stability. It wouldn’t work any other way, right? I mean, if you flipped your building or business upside down, with the largest part at the top, eventually your building will topple over! In the same way, if you fill your days with grand ideas about the future of your business without the base to stabilize it, your business will topple over as well.

Design real organization and structure and get busy in the doing part! That is what will lead you to success.

I am Just Afraid I Will Forget…

Posted on by Geller Coaching

Truth is that my memory has never been real strong. It wasn’t until I got to college that I realized that in order for me to remember things…any thing…I needed to write it down and see it. It was a tedious way to learn, but necessary.  If I were in school today they would probably slap a label on that, but back then you had to find your own strategies to compensate. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

Today I began to wonder if this is why I take so many pictures. Long before the era of iPhones and the obsession of everything needing to be at your finger tips, I was documenting my world and the people in it. I was happy to be a part of a world that didn’t rely on film,  because the more I took, the better my chances of getting them just so. But that wasnt what I was going for.

I am highly sensate. Meaning, I feel things more intensely than most. Not just raw emotions from a conversation or two, but even from things I see around me. I am awestruck by beauty, especially things I can relate to or things that remind me of my past. And my incessant picture-taking has been a way for me to access the love of what makes me happy…anytime I want. I never thought of it as any more than that.

Until tonight.

After my first official day of summer at the beach, the 2nd summer without my mom in this world, I noticed the bright pink sky unexpectedly and hurried down the stairs to see the sunset. I paused at the bottom of the stairs, thinking I should at least grab my phone, bu convinced myself that maybe just for today I could simply be present to the moment. I hear that a lot. Like maybe not everything needs a picture as much as being present in the moment.

I headed down the street to see my first ever sunset…without a camera of any sort.

As I walked, I felt overwhelmed with how beautiful it was. The colors were radiant. I tried to analyze it, decipher how many colors there were. I tried to recall if I had ever seen one so beautiful. And while it was hard to stare too long since the sun was so bright, I couldn’t look away.  The way the lines created such beauty in the sky, silenced me.

Within minutes my heart started to race as I watched this bright sunshine fall into the earth, signaling another day gone by.

How would I remember this? Surely no one could ever recall exactly what this one looked like without seeing it in a picture. How would I remember this first sunset of the summer without mom, if I didn’t have the picture of it for later?

I began to have a sinking feeling as I forced myself to watch the sun set and then began racing back to the house as my brain scrambled to hold the memory. I knew this wouldn’t be a memory I could contain and as if to prove myself right, my brain began to run the photo reel it had stored. All I could think about though were the pictures that were missing. Images not as clear as I remembered. Difficulty trying to recall the true colors in my boys eyes, the sweet lines of my moms face when she would smile. The way she looked at me when she held my hand in the hospital…tears began to stream down my face.

My quick footsteps moved into a light jog with a hopefulness that I might make it just in time. I ran the stairs, grabbed my phone and headed for the balcony. Maybe, just maybe something was still left. Something I could hold onto….

And there it was. Not nearly the way I had seen it just minutes before, but just enough, to remind me of how eloquent it was. How much it made me appreciate each passing moment of my life, each ending of the day that continued to give me a brand new tomorrow…


Maybe it isn’t that I’m obsessed with taking pictures. It’s just that…well…without them I am just afraid I will forget…

Might Need More than One Preserver.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

Last night I cried myself to sleep. I am not positive why, but I wasn’t exactly surprised either.

I know my demons. I also know the work it takes to stay upright at times. I live what I preach, call out what I want and keep the rest of the darkness down low to be squelched by all my positivity.

 

I believe that when you think positive thoughts, keep your feet moving, keep reading and getting support from those around you that can relate to what you are going through…you can get through pretty much anything. And if you add a sister in there that has been through all of your hard and then some…you CAN get through anything. Or so I have believed.

So finally hitting the pillow last night, overwhelmingly exhausted at the mere hour of 9pm, happy to be horizontal, thinking about nothing…the tears came. I became overwhelmed with grief for what seemed like no reason. I felt suddenly alone…even with my tiny poodle snug under my chin, and my loving husband downstairs on the couch.

I grieved the loss of my mother, as I have done for over a year now, the sadness over having my 23 year old son only reachable by phone as he continues to call Seattle his home and the pain in my chest for the struggles my 20 year old has endured over the past year…I grieve…for them and for me. Mostly me, though. Praying for someone to throw me a line.

This morning I awoke with my fourth migraine in a week, forced a shake down my throat and dragged my tired body to the gym. My workouts are my medicine. Even when I am too tired, bluer than blue, too heavy in my shoes to go, and unclear if this time I should actually be lying down instead…I go. Because the end result is always the same: clarity in my life, even when sometimes it barely makes sense.

Many times I walk away with more than a sweat and a clear mind.

I head into the cardio cinema room praying for a movie I can escape to and begin on the elliptical with concerns of my recent dizzy spells repeating. I see a flash of my sisters last text to me from the night before: “Sometimes when it’s very dark and I feel sad and lonely, I straighten my crown and remember whose daughter I am. You and me. Thank god.” Thank god is right.

I note that the title of the movie, Pirate Radio, does not register as a place that will help me escape. I had hoped for a love story. Maybe a story about a prince who comes and saves the day like my husband did many years ago, or a story about a mother and her boys, and a fierce love that only she can understand. Or even a story about life’s’ struggles that prevail with a mother that won’t give up…

But instead, I am faced with a boat filled with ‘pirates’ playing music. I begin my workout with an open mind and an open heart in need of a sweat. In need of being in someone else’s world. I find quickly I am engaged in their passion, and their commitment to make music for the people on land. I feel oddly inspired as they play their records in spite of the politicians trying to bring them down.

I suddenly feel connected to these pirates and worried about them as their boat begins to go down into the freezing ocean. My eyes fill with tears as they say, “Perhaps it is better to die knowing you have lived the life you loved, then having lived without this kind of love at all,” and can feel my own woes drift away as I find myself praying that they don’t go down. I am clear that I am now on their sinking ship.

And then…someone notices a boat in the distance. Just as they have gone into acceptance of letting go, someone asks, “Is it a small boat or a big one?  Is it just one…or maybe two?”

“It is not one boat,” the man says trying to see into the dark night…”It is not even two…or three…in fact, it’s a fuck load of boats.”

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I begin to sob and then laugh slightly at myself for connecting with this story: That sometimes a preserver is not enough, but that with just enough hope and passion, a fuck load of boats will show up just in time to keep the boat afloat and the music playing.

As my mama would always say, “We can’t see around corners, so just lean in…”
The boats will come.

 

 

The Women’s Lab. Not the Classic Meet & Greet.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

 

I know what you are thinking…another networking group. No thank you.
I know because I have felt the same way about networking groups.

Even the good ones felt awkward at best, arriving like the girl that didn’t get invited to the party, wondering if anyone will actually start a conversation with me or if I will have to barge into semi-private conversations to introduce myself. Even the good ones helped me meet one or two people, but I always left feeling like it was more of a billboard meeting. You know, like you show up, place your billboard in the middle of the room stating what you do, and then you leave, hoping someone might need your service in the near future. Small price to pay for some marketing perhaps, but I wanted more than that!

And so we created The Women’s Lab.

I wanted a room filled with like-minded individuals. Women who had an idea, a passion, a hobby or a true craft or specialty, that was in the process, or had already arrived at their own landing spot. I wanted the space to be filled with hugs and support, coffee and snacks, and definitely a place that we could share openly about what we do, or what we are dreaming about doing.

The Women’s Lab evolved.

But it became even more than a special place to be on a Sunday morning in the quiet town of Princeton…we begin at 10:30am just before the rest of the world is even starting their day. The sweet silence and warmth of Tigerlabs sets the stage to a home away from home, with the subtle reminder of workstations in the backdrop and comfy couches in the lounge. The scent of coffee fills the air, home made banana bread for those that are hungry and one large table completely lit up by the natural sunlight pouring in. For me, all of that would be just enough for a perfect Sunday on any given week, but there is so much more than that.

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As the group files in, the room becomes filled with support, affection and an excitement about who we are for each other, as well as who we are as women in business. We do not simply sit and see where the conversation goes, although we surely could since the energy in the room is always inspiring! Instead, there is a focus for each meeting.

Every one is given the opportunity to write responses to directed questions about the challenges and strengths they face in this moment. They are given the opportunity to share their thoughts and topics on their mind. And then we get to the main topic of the month where everyone is directed through an activity to help each and every person create some movement in their business. For some, it might be as simple as needing to create marketing materials, others have thoughts of new hires to help them maintain balance and even some are looking down the road to where does this success lead and how will it lead to retirement.

It is only then that the networking begins, but really it feels like one giant sharing of ideas of our experiences of what has worked and what has not. It feels more like a melting pot of some amazing like-minded women constantly ready to be in action and just needing someone else to say, “You go girl!”

Women empowering women.

The Women’s Lab is so much more than I could have imagined already. It is amazing how grateful everyone feels and how motivated everyone is about taking that enthusiasm into the world on Monday. Yet there is even more than that! This group is not just a local community of women supporting each other, but also supporting women around the world as a portion of the proceeds every month is sent to Humanity Unified, a non-profit organization that empowers communities to rise out of poverty through education, food security projects and economic opportunities.

So the question is not: Another networking group? But instead: Why haven’t you joined us yet?

Register for April’s event and I promise you will agree that this is not just another Networking Group, but rather creating a life by design with a lot of people cheering you on.

May 21st is the next event: Creating a Powerful & Positive Mindset.
We can’t wait to meet you.

Register today!

 

On Finding Courage.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

If my life were the Wizard of Oz, my sister would be Dorothy and I would be the Cowardly Lion. I resonate with his path, the journey he took with Dorothy, the fears that made him cry out loud, even when it made him feel vulnerable. I relate to his irrational fears about noises, the darkness in the sky, the unknown. I know what it feels like to be paralyzed with fear. I have been there. I have walked the line between irrational and reasonable most of my life and wonder how much of my life I spent searching for courage. I wonder too, if it will continue to be something I choose to strap on each morning, or if it will one day become part of who I am.

When I was 5 years old my mom made a beautiful Cowardly Lion costume for me. It actually made it into the local newspaper that year. I can’t remember how I felt wearing the costume, but I sure do look frightened. Maybe she made it because it was an adorable costume, or maybe because I was in need of some courage as well.

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I had ridiculous fears growing up but as I grew older, I became a well-spoken woman who wasn’t afraid to share her opinion, a single mother of 2 boys, an established teacher, a successful small business owner, and I fought my way through fears I couldn’t make sense of. Things like being afraid of the dark or of being left.

It became clear that my practice as a Life/Business Coach gave me just what I needed to walk straight into my fears. Flipping them into triumphs rather than tragedies as I transformed into a Triathlete. The more I helped others gain perspectives on their fears, the more mine began to slip away.

But had I actually found courage?

Some fears weren’t as easy though, like when my son left for college with his own bag of worries on his back. It was then that I realized you could feel fears that weren’t even your own. That the silence in the night, texts not returned, calls unanswered…could signal all different kinds of fears and helplessness as a mother.

I feared cancer and death but had to face them head on as my mother fought and lost her battle to Pancreatic Cancer. Was it courage when I told her it was alright for her to stop fighting? To let go and be free from her pain? Or was it just that holding onto my fear of her dying seemed too selfish?

I felt fear when I found out that she had the BRCA (breast cancer) gene, and that it meant her children had a 50% chance of having it as well. I feared for my life. I feared for my children losing me to cancer before it was my time. I wallowed in my fear and said I didn’t want to know if I had it. And then tested positive. I wallowed in my fear again demanding I was not going to undergo surgeries just to prevent cancers they didn’t know for sure I would get. I read articles, books, changed my diet, starting meditating. I felt in charge of my life. I felt in control of my destiny. But I still felt afraid. Very afraid.

A 40% chance of having ovarian cancer is high. It made me more fearful than any fear I had ever felt, but I knew having the surgery to remove my ovaries was a simple one and could squelch my fears. I felt courageous again after that. In control of my destiny.

But deep inside, even as my little voice croaked and wallowed like the Cowardly Lion’s did, I wept that I would not destroy the rest of my body, just because I ‘might’ get cancer. I wanted to believe I was brave for taking that stand, but when we found out that my sister’s healthy breast tissue was tested after her preventative bilateral mastectomy and revealed precancerous cells, I felt nothing but fear. Just fear. They said she would have gotten breast cancer in the next 5 years.

I didn’t want my children to suffer like I did watching my mom. I didn’t want my kids to lose me to cancer because I believed I could outsmart my destiny.

I thought I had done a great job after the first surgery, taking my odds of getting breast cancer from 85% down to 40%. That is, until my son heard it.

“Forty percent?” he asked. “

“Yeah,” I replied, feeling good about that new statistic.

“That’s pretty high mom. That’s almost a 50/50 chance.”

His words stung as they floated ins the air. 50/50. Like the possibility of me having the BRCA gene in the first place.

“Fifty/Fifty” he said again. “Unless of course you get it. Then it’s 100%.”

The fear in his voice echoed in my head and I could hear the Cowardly Lion sobbing underneath my coat of armor. It was then that I was ready to strap on my badge of courage even as the Lion yelled from down below…because some fears needed coddling and others, well…needed the kind of courage you could simply step into and zip all the way up. This was the courage I found. And for today, it was going to have to be enough to get me through this surgery.

Surely there would be some rainbows on the other side.