new perspectives

Facing Life’s Hills.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

I stand at the bottom of the hill on a sunny May morning, determined to show up like the runner I say I am…but find myself faced with the usual demons. Not another hill. Please. It’s too hot. It’s too long. I am too thirsty. I don’t know if I have the energy to make it to the top. And then finally…maybe I can just use the hill as a walk break.

Maybe. Or maybe all those stories I have come to believe as ‘true’ are based on historical emotions I have come to believe about myself, yet have little to do with what is in fact ‘true’.

What I have witnessed is that our body is capable of much more than we think it is and that our limitations are often self imposed. That’s right, we put our own restrictions in place and then declare them to be true! Like when we say we can’t and then not surprisingly, can’t.

I tested it out with this hill that clearly felt out of reach for me. Instead of buying into my temporary truth, I inhaled deeply to do an internal scan: Heart rate steady, check! Legs warm, check! Head in the game, check! The only thing left to do was adjust my music to support my can-do attitude, and one final exhale.

I knew what to do. I needed to keep my eyes low, my stride small and steady, and one step at a time, get up the hill. Simple. My goal was to focus on the music in my ears, my steady footsteps and the 10 feet of pavement right in front of me. The top of the hill was not the focus for the moment, only each step that would get me there.

Before I knew it, my heart was pounding and I was at the top of the hill…feeling accomplished that I had conquered it and it had not conquered me!

How often are you presented with challenges in your life that defeat you before you even begin the climb? Maybe you are so focused on the view at the top, that you are unable to focus on the steps it will take to get there.

Life is all about your mindset. If you change your mind, you can change your life.

Let’s do this.
http://www.GellerCoaching.com

What You Leave Behind Tells a Story

Posted on by Geller Coaching

If you knew that the things you leave behind, send a message to our universe about who you are, would you be more careful to clean up?

Well…what do you leave behind?

Maybe it isnt something physical, like your car keys, or phone, but more about things that are left unfinished. Like at the end of each day, what does your inner critic say? What does your inner spirit whisper?

Does it confirm that once again you did a great job, putting out fires, completing all of the tasks you set out to do, and that in fact your intensity was so great you achieved things you didn’t even plan on achieving thus far? Or does it squelch all of the inspiring words of wisdom that you had for yourself just a few short hours ago?

What is your leave-behind? A checklist complete…or a mass collection of things yet to be finished?

Knowledge is power, even in the area of leave-behinds.

In the area of productivity and growth, it is helpful to consistently assess the patterns we see at the beginning and end of each day. Most importantly, to be mindful of the actions we constantly repeat that do not serve us well. Without doing so, we will have great difficulty tapping into our true potential and will spend unimaginable time spinning our wheels. Surely we are all a work in progress, but for an Entrepreneur’s financial livelihood, daily movement is critical and behaviors that don’t help in that area should be modified.

What you leave behind, sets the stage for where you are now, as well as where you want to be.

Simple leave-behinds, like a calendar of incomplete tasks, does not speak as loudly as what you do with those tasks. You can shut the book and head for bed, feeling frustrated by your inability to complete things, spend the night tossing and turning, or you can take action as part of your closing process.

Remember that taking action is the critical part of your financial gains, no matter what that action is. So in this specific area, what you might simply do is move each task to a place and time when you know you can complete it, keeping in mind all tasks needing to be complete, as well as length of time for each task to be completed.

Incomplete tasks each day does not necessarily mean nothing is getting done, but instead may tell a story about your ability to manage time, or assess length of tasks to be completed. Either way, by using the close of each day to assess this, you can grow in this area and turn it into an area of productivity.

What else do you leave behind?

I spent an afternoon at my favorite coffee shop last weekend writing, while a gentleman dressed in casual business attire spent his hour tapping away on his keyboard as well. He was clearly working, seemed quite focused and did not look up nearly as often as I did. I silently complimented him for being so productive in a busy environment, but that wasn’t all that I had noticed. I also noticed that the entire time he sat there, three shiny pennies sat on the windowsill right beside his table, basking in the sun.

I assumed that they were his. That perhaps he only had a money holder and no place for change. Or that he hastily sat down, gently dropping the coins on the sill. But at the end of the hour, as he began to pack up everything sprawled on the table, I began to wonder if they were there before he arrived.

As I watched him carefully pack up, meticulously putting everything in its’ expected place, I guessed he wasn’t likely to leave much behind. He then put his jacket on, and picked up the briefcase he had ever so carefully packed. It was then for the first time that our eyes met and then mine quickly darted back to the shiny pennies….

At this point I knew that whether or not these were his, was less important than what he was going to do next, and of course, I was not going to stay quiet.

”You’re not going to leave those pennies there, are you?”

As he looked over at the coins that had been calling out to me, I could see it was the first time he noticed they were there and he smiled. I could feel what he was going to say next and interrupted his thought.

“You know, if you leave those behind, you are telling the universe that you have enough money and do not need any more.”

“Oh!” He said with a little laugh and then picked them up! “I dont want my universe to think that.”

He then leaned over and dropped one of them on my table and we both laughed. Perhaps a finders fee, I thought. One that I was not going to leave behind. Penny or not.

Motherhood. When Giving is not Loving.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

There were many things in my life I didn’t understand right way. There were things I had to study for, take notes on, research and then even start over again before being able to really comprehend it. But being a mother, was not one of those things. Not to say I didn’t do my research, but once my babies were in my arms, I barely remembered the things I had read about. What I knew was a deep love that did not need comprehending. It did not need definitions or explanations.

I will never forget the way my first-born son looked deep into my eyes, as if he could see into my soul. I will never forget feeling like he oddly understood it. Like he was saying, “okay, so you are the one that will always keep me safe.” That look like he too understood…that our eyes meeting, and our souls connecting was all this journey was going to need. Maybe he knew more than I️ did.

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nt I had gone from pregnant, to mom and knew that my job from here forward was simply to love and protect this one sweet angel, which then turned into two sweet angels. I remember constantly thinking, "I will always keep you safe.”

False. We cannot always keep our children safe, nor is that always our job. So what is our job?

It is only recently that I have been able to transform that word into responsibility and only recently that I have been able to ask myself, ‘what is my responsibility?

I never thought of myself as an average mom. I didn't just become a mom, I had an amazing love for my babies that could not be described. I had a yearning to care for, love, and give to them in a way I had never experienced. It wasn’t that I️ thought they couldn’t do for themselves, but was more about the overwhelming joy I got from giving. Whether it was folding their clothes just so, baking the goodies that warmed their hearts (or at least made them smile broadly) or making their lunches just so…was about me. It was how I showed my love for them. It was what I created as the thing that reminded them every day how much they were loved.

So what could possibly be wrong with that? Nothing actually.

When your child can't tie his shoes, you tie them. When your child is too young to use the stove, you cook his meals. When your child isn't tall enough to reach the washer, you wash his clothes. But at some point our definition of being mom gets confusing, and our purpose gets convoluted. The way we give becomes defined by the actual things we give or do…for them.

Giving, is not necessarily loving.

When your 7-year-old comes home and says he needs crayons for school, you get them. That is being a responsible parent. That is not love, though, that is responsibility. When your 20-year-old comes home and says he needs red pens for class and you run out to the store while he sits in front of the tv, that is not love. That is giving, but a different kind of giving. That kind of giving actually robs your child of ‘responsibility’. It crossed the line of helping into enabling.

Helping is doing for others when they cannot do it for themselves. Enabling is doing for others when they are capable of doing for themselves. Enabling – that which hijacks another’s opportunity for success. Ugh!

The first time I heard that I felt sick to my stomach. My brain began to scroll the hundreds of things a day that I had done for family members, that I felt were done simply to show my undying love for them. I was certain that giving was loving. I mean, if I wasn’t giving, then how would they know I loved them?

That is the million dollar question. For myself, what I have learned is that my constant giving was not as selfless as I once had thought. It seemed that if I was giving to others before giving to myself, then I was being selfless. That is what motherhood is all about, isn’t it? Apparently not.

Apparently if we are doing this motherhood thing the way it should be done, in a way that produces 18 year olds that are self-sufficient, independent and successful, then we should be working our way out of a job. What?! Trust me, that was never a part of my vocabulary. I wanted to be ‘mommy’ forever. I loved the job, the title, the satisfaction and pure joy it gave me. There was nothing more rewarding than this…Until, that is, I was forced to look at the aftermath of what I had created.

I was forced to look at how my constant doing was robbing the very beings in my family of their own independence. Stealing their opportunity for success. Convincing them without words that my way was not only better, but that perhaps they weren’t even capable at all without my help.

Neither of those things were true. I never believed my way was the best or only way and always knew they were capable of success without my help.

So why was I️ doing things they were capable of handling on their own? Why was I️ doing those things before they even asked for help? Why was my go-to always, “Oh, don’t worry…I’ll get it.”

Simple. It was how I showed my undying love. Right? Well…no. It wasn’t about that at all. Instead, although I didn’t know it at the time, it was really about me and my desire to feel needed. I mean, if I didn’t do for them, then why would they need me? Seems simple and harmless but actually has some negative consequences. Ones that keep our emerging adults from learning what to do with feelings of discomfort. Ones that keep our emerging adults from learning what to do in the face of challenges. Ones that keep our emerging adults dependent upon us…just the opposite of our hopes and dreams for them.

Motherhood is hard for sure, but finding a balance between helping and enabling is where the rubber meets the road. You can do this. Just keep asking the question: Am I helping because they are unable, or am I stealing their opportunity for success?

If you keep practicing, you will soon be able to see which kinds of giving gestures are simply acts of love…that which build strong family love and success.

Even the Bad…Has a Purpose and Place.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

I had one of those weeks. You know, like every time you get a firm grip on the handle, the ground slips out from under you? Yeah, that kind of week.

The week filled with frustrations: The perfectly overfilled Starbucks coffee that drips not only on the sweater I am wearing, but also the sweater that is waiting patiently for me at my desk. The coffee machine that decides it needs a day off. The handcrafted salad that chose to jump from my hands and scatter all over the floor, leaving me no time to make another lunch. The half eaten perfect green apple that rolled off my desk and onto the germ infested classroom floor. The perfect morning to write at Starbucks, only to be interrupted by a charging cord that apparently was not in the mood to do its’ job…

Yeah, that kind of a week.

Luckily I am a Life Coach, right? Well, on most days that does help, but this week every one of those events sent me in a downward spiral, until eventually I even shed some tears. Yep, crying.  Sometimes I can cry over spilled milk too when I feel like I can’t keep it all together.

If only we could put everything in a box. Like when packing up for a big move. Put it all in a box, tape it up and mark it with a label! And just like that it would be all neatly tucked away, out of sight and not bothering us at all. If only we could do that with EVERYTHING! Imagine how our perspectives would change.

Imagine if we knew that it actually served a purpose and could be put away at any time? Would you feel less resentful when it came your way? Would you be more willing to lean into it until it passed?

Well here is a new perspective to try on: “Life is giving you exactly what you need practice in.”

At first glance you may scoff at this notion, but when you let it sink in for a few moments, thinking deeply about the things you most complain about, you can see where this makes perfect sense.

Is your universe driving you crazy? Things not going as planned? Feeling short circuited because everyone wants to throw a wrench in your schedule? Perhaps patience is what you most need to practice. Perhaps acceptance is something you struggle with as well. Perhaps this perspective will help you to welcome the challenges that come your way.

The next part is putting it away. This is the real challenge!

While we can’t actually put it in a box, the visualization of “putting it away” can really help. It’s not about attempting to put it out of your mind, but actually trying to reframe it. Same picture, new frame. Lets take my visit to Starbucks. I feel excited beyond words, having been gifted an extra few morning hours to sit and write. I am so excited I can almost taste the first sip of vanilla latte warming my throat as my fingers prepare for the tapping on the keys.  I am so excited I can feel my heart beating in a hurried pattern.

I open my MacBook and notice the low battery. Feeling relieved that I had my charger, I pack up all that I have laid on the table, feel disappointed to leave my favorite seat in the corner and move to a less desirable table that has an outlet. I begin to settle myself again, noticing my excited energy turning on its side and plug-in. Once. Twice. Three times a charm. Or no! Since it seems my charger is not working. My heart begins to pound in a ferocious way as I see the battery icon turn red.  I take several deep breaths, and even when I remember I also have packed my iPad, I don’t feel comforted.

I sit back in my chair and see that I have wasted 20 minutes and I can hear whispers telling me to just go home. Multiple voices begin to chime in, whining about the situation and suddenly feel like I am fighting back tears. Which is often when I criticize my dramatic behavior, blaming it on hormones, losing my mom to cancer and whatever else I can get my hands on.

But then I attempt to find a box. Not a real one, but one that can hold all my irrational feelings for the moment. I put my ear buds in, hit play on Anita Baker and inhale again. This time I unplug the non-charging cord, exhale deeply and move to a more private and comfortable seat by the window. I place my feet on the coffee table in front of me, pull out my iPad, click open my WordPress app and stare out the window. I picture myself with more patience and understanding of the world around me and of myself. I envision all the little things that went awry this week and place them into my invisible box. As I picture taping it up, I allow myself the time needed to heal over the loss of my mom and acknowledge how fortunate I really am, in spite of the story I want to tell about my dark and gloomy days. I put a label on the box: Patience.

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I place my hands gently on my iPad keyboard as the kind young man across from me (who must have seen my struggles) mentions there is an outlet right next to my comfy chair. I begin to tell my “story” but my optimism takes over and I give it one more try. And you know what? It worked! This outlet actually worked. Nothing was broken. Except maybe my heart recovering from many frustrations of the week. But I had already put those in a box, sealed it up with tape, and secured it with a label…so I let the computer charge and my iPad and I carried on.

Maybe all that happens in life IS just what we need practice in. Carry on.

Success. Just Beyond your Reach.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

What you know and what you have done to be successful thus far only goes as far as your own horizons. Yet beyond your horizon…just beyond your reach…lies an even greater potential of success.

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The question is: Are you ready to tap into that success? If the answer is YES…then it is time to get a Business Coach.

A Business Coach is a professional and personal development to promote continuous growth and strength. It’s about creating motivation and success in your business and as a natural extension, your whole life.  A Business Coach will help you move forward: clarifying your goals, creating a strategy for completing those goals, and building a support framework to keep you moving forward. You will be able to achieve more in less time, taking the steps that are right for you personally.

The time is now. Surely you have waited long enough…

Let’s make this a meaningful Monday! Read more here.

 

Investments that Matter

Posted on by Geller Coaching

You work hard and are successful.

But what if the success you are truly capable of has barely been touched?

Do you have a support team? Do you have someone to help you expand on your thoughts, support your ideas and hold you accountable for your action plans?

The mind is a dark and dangerous place…don’t go there alone! Get a Coach.

Clearly you have the drive it takes to achieve success, but what if you’ve barely scratched the surface of what is possible? With the support of a Coach, you will experience success more efficiently and effectively. You will find yourself in constant motion, with fresh ideas and new perspectives. You will have two minds, working as one!

In order to be successful as a Business Owner, you will constantly need to assess whether something is an investment or an expense. Investments are critical to a successful future. Expenses can often wait.

So what do you want?  Do you want a successful business that creates consistent financial freedom with the controls in the palm of your hand? Or are you willing to take a gamble and see where it lands?

“Having a Coach is the difference between knowing what to do…and doing it.”
C. Patnick, President of Capella Consultants

A Business Coach is perfect for:

  • Successful business people who want to exceed their expectations.
  • Refining and building upon existing skills and talents.
  • Increasing profitability, projecting confidence and organizing time better.
  • Creating a successful system that fosters business now, while planting the necessary seeds for the future.

The value of having a Business Coach speaks for itself even in the very first session.

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The time is now. It is later than you think.

Filling the Empty Space.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

I have experienced writers block like some kind of disease, stunting my thoughts, keeping me from my keyboard, making my head feel dizzy at the mere thought of stringing together some meaningful words. It came on slowly as my mom began to lose her 2 ½ year battle with Pancreatic Cancer and secured itself to my being once she passed away.

An empty space…perhaps one I am fearful of filling.

There are so many devastations when you lose your mother. No matter how prepared you are, how grateful you are for the time you had time to say goodbye, to share all the love you have in your heart for her, no matter how long she had suffered. And no matter how certain you were that moment you held her hand and said, “You can go Mom. I promise we will be alright.” Devastation still comes.

At first there is a shallow wave you ride that whispers she is free of pain, feeling whole and grateful for who she was when she was here. But then the emptiness fills you up again. If you are an optimist like myself, there is a constant wavering from ‘I’m ok’ to ‘No I’m not’, from ‘I can make it,’ to ‘I don’t know if I can survive this loss.’

Actually, it isn’t really a voice that says I’m not okay…it’s a voice that yells constantly in the back of my head screaming, ‘Where is my mama??!!

It yells so loudly that sometimes it I don’t recognize it as a sudden scream at all from the back of my mind, but a constant straining to hear my rational self explaining that she won’t be back soon, begging me to accept what is so. In between that, I can hear my children call for me, my husband wanting to share his own stories and my world needing me to be focused. Yet all the while, there is this constant crying in the background, a little voice pleading for a little more time.

Sometimes it is almost unbearable. The loud shrieking that only I can hear, yearning to touch her hand, hear her voice; smell the sweet scent of her skin. It is so loud that often I see people speaking to me yet barely hear their words at all. Hearing whispers of comfort…yet hardly feeling comforted at all.

And yet, there are many other moments I am able to function just fine. Attending to my life, my powerful work as a Life/Business Coach, being a mother of 4 amazing children, standing as a loving and devoted wife. It is in those moments I am clear that what my dad says is true, “life is for the living” and that is the only option we have. It makes sense while I say it out loud, and even when I repeat it quietly to myself as I try to sleep. In fact, it is what I often share with others.

We go on…because we have to. We need to. Because it is what life is truly about.

I feel so strongly about what I believe; my optimism and way of living. It is, after all, what I have learned from my mother. It is who I have become because of who she was to me. It is one thing that remains true to me even on the 5th month anniversary of her passing.

Yet some nights, when things get tough, when people in my world have their own demons and seem to be yelling in my direction, when my body feels just to heavy to carry on…I cry. I sob actually. I find a dark room, a space where I can be alone, curl myself in a ball, and sob. I am not interested in imposing my darkness on others during this time. I am not yearning for someone to fix this. To help me gently back into the light, to tell me that it will be all right. I simply want to be alone. To drown out the yelling in my head, long enough for me to cry. Long enough to feel the pain of her loss and be with the emptiness.

To just be.

That is what happens. I get to just be. I plead, beg and sob. And simply practice being. And when I can’t stand to hear myself beg for what is not available any longer, I open my phone. I find the video when I interviewed her just 2 weeks before my wedding. She looked perfect and poised as always. Her hair growing back just in time for the event, with her tiny curls and most convincing smile. She was already a Pancreatic year survivor at that point and living on created time. Time they told us we would not have. But we did. I watch and listen to her and pretend she is here. I feel in that moment, that she is. I believe. With all my optimism…I believe.

When it stops, I open the next ritual video: My two oldest boys at the beach…15 years ago. Their sweet voices, caring for each other, trusting each other, wanting desperately to show me their little hermit crabs they had found. I inhale deeply memorizing the sound of these babies I have created. I allow myself to dry my eyes. Unroll from the tiny ball I have curled into…and embrace who I have become.

This is the space I need to fill. The space she has left deep in my heart that fills a little more each day with all that she has given me. Essentially, I am her. I live and breathe her passion and spirit, her finish line desires, her ability to love. I stretch myself a little further and acknowledge the strength she has given me and know exactly what to do with that empty space. Fill it. For her. For my family. For me. And even for all of those that don’t even know me yet.

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I step into her clothes again as I do most mornings and am amazed at how they fit. I see her face and can hear the song playing in the background now as it drowns out my demons: I am Woman Hear me Roar…

If You Want to See the Rainbow…Embrace the Rain.

Posted on by Geller Coaching

I was gifted this quote from my best friend the other day (aka my husband) after a tortuous week, or was it a month? The words wafted from the small face of my phone, to my own face like the sweet scent of a candle might. Instantly, but unconsciously, bringing a calm over your body. I could picture the rainbow settling into the sky as if it belonged there, as if it was not a miracle of sorts but rather something that always remained, but perhaps could not be seen. I pictured the storm that had no doubt been present just before the beautiful colors arched along the skyline and smiled…

Embrace The Rain. 
I mean, embracing the rainy skies would allow us to be present in the darkness, knowing that just beyond our reach, something better was coming. But why did it have to be so hard? Why did it have to feel so cold and wet?

On the day before spring officially began, I walked through my garage and yelled to my husband, ‘wow, it is so nice to have our dry garage back!’ Nice, to be able to walk into the garage in my socks, grab some toiletries and head back into the house…socks still dry! Nice, in that just beyond the garage, was a dry driveway and clear streets. Nice, in that we could finally, once again, see the grass.

Yet none was quite as gratifying as the sight of the buds. On that particular day, one day before the coming of spring, I noticed tiny buds making their way through the dirt. I couldn’t help but cheer for them. I mean, we knew eventually the snow would end and spring would arrive, but deep inside I did have doubt. What if this time the winter was just too brutal? What if this time the flowers would not be strong enough to come back? What if this time, things would be different?

But there they were. Alive. Reminding us that winter was nearly done and a new season was about to kick in and give us an extra feeling of life.
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Or not. Because as spring arrived this year, so did another snowy winter storm. One so wild that we would head home from work early, make another pot of soup and hunker down for the night. This one seemed different from the others though, as it piled up around us and layered itself on the trees peacefully. This one, while looking remotely as the others, cast a deep sadness over me. This time, I did not notice the beauty of the snowflakes or the nature covered in white, nor the peacefulness of the neighborhood, but instead, my own disappointment. I felt betrayed by what I had seen the day before. Fooled into thinking that signs of life from those little buds meant warmth was just around the corner…

And while I knew that surely the snow falling did not mean we would skip spring completely, I felt trapped in my disappointment and disgusted at the idea of embracing it.

I just wanted the rainbow.
It felt similar to my 18-year-old taking an independent stand for himself senior year. Making a decision to change his daily habits, his weekly living arrangement and his constant whereabouts while finishing up senior year. I felt surprised and shaken. I felt imbalanced and confused. But mostly, I felt disappointed that while I had been waiting anxiously for this time in his life to come so I could watch in awe, he didn’t want me to watch at all. That what I thought was the beginning, the buds of a thrilling new season, wasn’t at all what he wanted. He wanted independence and he wanted it to start now. In came the rain.

I just wanted the rainbow.
The quote reminded me that the rainbow would surely come but not until the rain was done. Not until the dark clouds had emptied themselves and the skies cleared.

So I rallied. I embraced the last snowstorm snuggled under the blanket and relished in the bright sunshine that arrived the next day. I savored the grass doing its best to poke through the snow as it began to melt away. And when I looked real close, though I didn’t see the rainbow, I embraced the signs of life.

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I embraced my son’s need for independence as well. As he reached over to hug me after visiting briefly, I held onto his words “I love you mom,” and let them soak into my body and inhaled. For his need to be independent, as well as the skies’ need to let out some snow, wasn’t really disappointing or depressing, but instead necessary…if I wanted to see the rainbow.

In Case of Emergency…

Posted on by Geller Coaching

Life would be so much easier with signs. Real signs. A sign like we saw while honeymooning in Mexico. While unclear, we had a good laugh trying to make sense of it and after several pictures, we began to ask around. Finally, a cab driver understood our question.

“Meet right here”, he said in broken English pointing to the sign. “In case of an emergency, meet here.” I wondered why we didn’t have signs like these at home, making life much simpler.

emergency sign

 Back in my real life, though, different signs were present. They weren’t green, stationary, consistent or very helpful. Instead, they pointed to a case of senioritis that had gone on too long. Signs that said read: when committed to playing D1 lax a year and a half before graduation, it’s going to get messy.

Yes, these were different signs, and while not in Spanish, not easily interpreted either. Actually perhaps it was simpler than I wanted to admit. Simple in that even with free unlimited texting capabilities, all my questions were answered with 2 answers: No and IDK. Can’t get much simpler than that!

I began to think the signs pointed to: Let’s simplify.

Me: When will you be home?

Him: IDK

He couldn’t let me down if he hadn’t committed to anything, right?

Me: Do you want dinner?

Him: No

That way I wouldn’t be annoyed that I made it and waited for him, but instead he could show up and simply say, ‘I’m hungry, can you make me food?’

It was all going fine, or so I thought, until he pushed me a bit too far and I said ‘No.” Like, no, you can’t actually drive an hour in an ice storm. I said it nicely. I said it like I had said many times before. But this time was different because he had already endured one year and two months of senioritis and his lid was about to blow.

And so, he heard me, and went anyway. After all, he was heading to college in a few short months, why would he need my approval now?

I felt shocked, then appalled, then sick with worry. Mostly, though, I was heartbroken that I could no longer keep him safe. That my voice was not as loud as his. And that he suddenly belonged more to the universe, than to me.

I did what most would do. I took his keys temporarily. Senioritis or not, he was still here and there were still rules.

He did what most teens would do. He went to live at dads. This was an obvious sign.
It read: Fine. Be that way. I don’t need you.

It was a hard sign to read. The letters were sharp and jagged. Cold and calculated.

Each night I awoke to the sound of my pounding heart, acutely aware of the gaping hole. The sense that our ties had been cut, before I was ready to part from him. The sense that we no longer had five more months to hang on, but that he had left already…without saying goodbye. I cried a river. Every time I thought about him, I would cry some more. I would hold it together while my day ran amok, then would cry some again.

I questioned my ability to parent, and why he didn’t love me. I wondered how it was possible that he didn’t understand my love for him and my yearning to keep him safe. I cried as I thought about how much I wanted to cheer for him during his senior year, and how he had silenced me.

But what if that wasn’t what the sign read at all?

My mom believed the signs said something completely different.
“You’ve done a great job,” she said, “he feels almost ready to fly and is trying to convince himself of his ability to leave the nest and take off.”

That made sense to me. I could see him as a tiny 3 year old screaming, “I’m going downstairs!” and then looking for my approval and asking quietly, “Can I?” It was no different than now, minus the question mark. Surely he could see his shiny shoes of freedom just around the corner. The corner that lead to a life of doing, not asking. The corner that would call for his confidence and fearlessness on the D1 field and being a plane ride away. The corner that was going to rely on him making his own decisions and keeping himself safe. The corner that did not include me.

I wanted to call him and say, I get it. I understand. You should get ready for that flight, because you’re going to be great! But please know that no matter what comes along your path, no matter what time it is, or where I am, you just have to look for that green sign. In case of emergency, we can always meet up at the green sign. I’ll be here.

in case of emergency

I didn’t call, because the noise on his runway is way too loud to hear all of my words, but I sent him a mind pen pal. Maybe he can read it later…

Getting Comfortable in the Uncomfortable

Posted on by Geller Coaching

Here is the truth, I am a born and raised optimist. I can find the upside of most anything and clearly see the glass as half full. Yet some how, after just a few weeks in the depths of New Jersey’s winter wonderland, I struggle to stay positive and become fixated with being warm and want…well, out of here!

I do not like the cold. At all. I understand and relate to those that say they need more light. That they feel depressed and unmotivated in the cold weather. That they don’t want to get up in the morning, get dressed for work, go to the gym once it is dark…and really just want to eat. Well, yeah, anything to find comfort, right? As I near the age of 50, squeezed into a body of a 30-something, I become acutely aware of my bones and the feeling of my clothes. Wearing double layers to keep warm makes me feel confined and stuffed, like after Thanksgiving dinner and that moment you realize you have eaten too much. I wear layered shirts, a long coat, scarf, gloves and a hat…and yet still feel cold. Unfortunately, once bundled, a hot flash will join me just long enough for me to unravel the layers, and ultimately feel cold again.

You can see how this is a challenge. Having said that, even feeling constantly irritated and stuck in this icy state of being, I have the ability to reset hourly if necessary and search for the light. The one thing that will make me feel warm and happy. I know that if I can just get past the cold wood floor beneath my cozy bed, that coffee is a mere half hour away and my friends at work, just an hour behind that. It’s a little mental game, but it does help get me to the next warm spot. Some days are harder than others.

Like when it snows and that sinking feeling comes over me. I feel trapped. Mostly trapped in my thoughts. How long will we be stuck? Will we lose power? Will we lose our water? How long will I have to shovel while unable to feel my toes? Will I ever be warm again?

While those questions run amok, there is a moment of bliss knowing I won’t have to work (since I am a teacher). Add to that the fact that I have 4 children at home cheering about the snow, and it becomes a balancing act of comfort vs. uncomfortable.

Which is when snow fun begins, for the kids. We spend some 30 minutes finding all the winter gear for the kids, get them zipped in and all laced up, and as I begin to sweat, I try to stand in their happy. They are SO happy! It’s hard, but I keep inhaling deeply in hopes of it being contagious. When they are finally dressed and are sufficiently moving slowly due to the layers of clothing, I reach for my camera. My lens. My one friend in life that allows me to slow my life down, giving me the space to watch moments repeatedly in order to savor each one. Cold or not, I do not questions how grateful I am for these precious moments.

I watch as the kids roll in it, throw it at each other, make snow angels, snowmen and laugh delightfully, not seeming to notice the cold at all. I snap shot after shot, finding comfort in the clicking and their little faces, and lose myself in their so-called warmth and happy. And then, my lens falls upon something that stops my wishing-to- be-somewhere-else thoughts altogether.

blog- birdhouse pic

Through the lens I am drawn to our beautiful birds nest. Covered with a gentle dusting of snow, and no birds to be seen, I am reminded that spring will arrive as quickly as winter did. And that summer will quickly follow, taking my 18 year old out of my arms as his mamma and into the independent world of college days. Suddenly I feel my weight and warmth in my shoes again.

I bring my lens back to the little ones running and laughing in the snow again and remain still. Not because I am frozen, but because I am aware that life moves as quickly as our seasons and that if we cringe too much in any one spot, we will surely miss it. The warmth, that is. After all, watching the kids through my lens warms my heart, and creates a comfort right in the center of my uncomfortable. I can’t ask for much more than that.

What about you? Are you going to continue to complain about the discomfort or can you work to find a spot that is comfortable, right in the center of uncomfortable?